WORKPLACE HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SYSTEM MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET
WORKPLACE HAZARDOUS MATERIALS
INFORMATION SYSTEM
MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET
MAN
A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
ELEMENT: Man
SYMBOL: BOZO
DISCOVERER: EVE
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 72 kilos, but known to vary
from 47 to 255 kilos
OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities in all urban areas
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Unjustified superior attitude
2. Unpredictable nature, often ambiguous
3. Considered insensitive and stubborn
4. Melts if given special treatment
5. Obnoxious if incorrectly used
6. Found in various states; many of which are unattractive
7. Yields to pressure applied to correct points (wallet)
8. Appearance varies; ranging from color to height and mass;
rarely is the specimen satisfied
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Locates quantities of gold, silver, platinum and
precious stones for counterpart's consumption
2. Provides great quantities of expensive substances
for counterpart's use
3. Complains about counterpart's consumption
4. May explode spontaneously when receives bills
of counterpart's activities
5. Insoluble in liquids, but obnoxious level greatly
increased by saturation in alcohol
6. Most destructive force ever created, especially to itself
COMMON USES:
1. Appearance enhanced by artificial means; ornamental
stones and metals, or attractive transportation
2. May be used as a tension device
3. Used as heating agent, if properly prepared
4. Can cause reproduction; use extreme caution
5. Perceives it has a rare ability to determine it's exact
destination without the need to ask directions
STORAGE:
Best results are obtained if the specimen is aged between
19 and 30 years.
TESTS:
1. Specimen often becomes confused when used in a raw,
natural state; it's nature changes
2. Turns green when placed beside a larger specimen
HAZARDS:
1. Migrates in groups of similar species; generally
congregating in frenzied packs around sporting events
2. Highly dangerous, even in experienced hands
3. Use extreme care if experiments are to succeed
4. While in possession of one specimen, it is highly
unwise to attempt to obtain another
5. If specimen begins to boast, leave immediately
6. Appropriate protective attire is required to complete
satisfactory conclusions
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spunge@spunge.org
Added: 6-7-97
http://anduin.eldar.org/~ben/funny/html/73.html